I’ve had a terrible weekend!It started around 2am Saturday morning. I heard a big thump so I went to see what it was and discovered my little boy cat, Jake, laying on the floor.I thought he was sleeping but I went over to pick him up and put him in his bed but he didn’t move, in fact he felt stiff. I thought this isn’t good so I called Paul who was in bed asleep, we both frantically tried to get Jake to respond but sadly it was not to be, he was dead. Poor fellow.We both feel very upset about it, he wasn’t sick and we hope he died peacefully. We decided we don’t want to find out why he died, we suspect he might have had a bad heart (although there was no indication of this from many vet visits). It was just too upsetting so on Saturday morning we buried him in our garden and I made a little tribute to him. He loved roses so I put a nice red rose on his grave until we can get a placque made for him.I still keep waiting to hear him or see him, he was such a friendly cat, we loved him dearly and as I write this the tears are flowing again. I don’t like the idea of writing about it but I felt maybe this is what I need to do to come to terms with such a big loss.We had Jake and his twin sister Anouska for 4 years. He was just a baby when he left us, we thank god we had 4 lovely and wonderful years with him. He was such a character, he constantly wanted attention. He was very affectionate, every morning he would jump on me in our bed and meow until I stroked him but as soon as Paul got out the shower he’d run downstairs knowing it was breakfast time. We spent many days together just the three of us, me, Jake and Anouska, mostly with them sleeping or pestering me for my food and they were so different (despite being twins). I liked that they had different personalities. Anousa is quiet you barely notice her, she isn’t very needy but Jake was constantly wanting our attention. He developed this unusally loud cry from about 1 and he used it to seek attention from both us and from his sister. He was always instigating play fights with Anouska. He just wanted to steal her bed or her food or make us stop patting her and pat him. He was a real character.What makes this hard for me to deal with is on Friday I was feeling under the weather and I spent most of my time sleeping in bed and he kept coming in to visit me but he wanted attention and I just wanted to be left alone so I kept asking him to sit and be quiet but he was either trying to tell me he was unwell or just wanted more attention than I could give him so when I didn’t give him what he wanted after a few attempts at getting my attention he slunk off somewhere. I wish I’d treated him better Friday, I keep beating myself up about it, I feel so selfish. I wasn’t to know he wouldn’t be with us the next day. I wonder if he knew he was sick? There were no obvious signs of illness, he used to love eating his hair, many hundreds of furballs later and constant nagging, he still kept doing it. We would stop him if we noticed he was doing it, it grossed us out but he’d still do it when we weren’t watching.I think he died in his sleep. The thing I cannot get over is I only said goodnight to him about 10 or 20 minutes before and he was sitting quietly with his legs under his tummy ready to go to sleep, it was all so sudden. I thank god we didn’t find him like that in morning because I think it would’ve been harder to deal with.It’s been 48 hours now and its still no sunk in, his sister knows something has happened, she won’t go near his bed. It was very hard removing his bowl from the floor and putting it away. I also vacuumed up most of the hair that he’d left around the house, it hurt me so much and I just needed to clear it up, I thought it’d help coming to terms with it, but it hasn’t. I’ve kept a little bit of his hair to remember him and we have lots of photos of him so he won’t be forgotten – we just miss him so much and thinking of him we just get so upset about it. I don’t know what I’ll do with the hair I just know I wanted to keep some.Here’s a picture of Jake a few weeks after he was born (2003):Here’s a picture of our lovely little boy taken earlier this year:I don’t know how to end this blog other than to say we’re stilling grieving and I think it’s going to take a long time to not burst into tears thinking about him. I know he’d want us to be strong and take care of his sister, who is receiving constant attention, and he’d want us to think of him during the good times and happy memories.4 lovely years he bought so much joy into our lives!We love him and miss him incredibly!Goodbye my friend and we hope we’ll meet you on the other side.